I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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