There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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