If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize