I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
