As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
