I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
