Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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