We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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