My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
