In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
