my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
