I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize