I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
