i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
