I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
