where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
