Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's shark week go big or go home
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
