what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
COCAINE IS GR8
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
