I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
