We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
