He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
