so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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