I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
