i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
