dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
