i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
