I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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