she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
