the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
