Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
