I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
