Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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