Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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