The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
