How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
