How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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