My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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