So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
