we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
