No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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