I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
