I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
