Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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