Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
