anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
