Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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