I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
