It's like God shit irony all over that family
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
