I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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