I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
