Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
