Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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