words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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