It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
