so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
