who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it was like eating out sand paper
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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