AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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