there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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