After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
