I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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