I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
