Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
