Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
