I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
