Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
