having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
