im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
