I don't remember. Are we still dating?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
